Before we begin, Jay Cutler is like a kid who threw a tantrum and said he was running away, then watched his parents execute a pre-emptive strike and put him up for adoption. He’s backpedaling as fast as he can. Most recent claim: he “didn’t want it to get this far,” despite demanding a trade in mid March. Can we agree that “Bus” Cook (see last year’s Favre debacle) is the worst fucking agent on the planet? Ok, moving on…
I know we’re going to write a lot about it, and every major news publication will post resident experts’ “draft boards,” and subsequently, “draft grades,” and everyone will laud the guy that turns out to be this year’s Ryan Leaf/Akili Smith and the editors at SI will pick the Dolphins to win the Super Bowl.
But we just want to get it out into the air before all this shit goes down. The buildup around the NFL draft is stupid. The event itself is unwatchable (At 15 minutes per pick, it’s the only sporting event on Earth slower moving than a Nationals game).
Take a look at who your team got, see how you feel about them, and then realize that you only feel that way because of fucks like Mel Kiper, and fucks like Mel Kiper projected an 0-16 finish for the 2001 Patriots, said Ryan Leaf’s attitude would be an asset in the NFL, and said of Mike Williams when he was drafted in 2005, “I’ll see you at his hall of fame induction.” Mike Williams is out of the fucking league. The guys at Dickipedia did a much better job than I’ll ever be able to do, so give it a full read. Don’t worry, it looks like Wikipedia so your boss won’t notice.
I guess this is a rant about sports prognostication. Unless it’s Vegas-related, the purpose of professional sports is entertainment. Your projections will usually be wrong; thats part of the fun. If the team picked to win the game always won the game, there would be no point watching. So enjoy the upsets, revel in the bust QB’s, and laugh at the people who said Courtney Brown was a sure thing. These are the same people who said taking Mario Williams over Reggie Bush was unforgivable. I guarantee you were one of them. I was too.