1. Chicago Cubs – Any time Lou Piniella is involved, I’m on board. I would love to see another one of his classic tantrums – bases had better be thrown! Also, is there any less threatening thing you can do than kicking dirt on someone shoes? Its just moderately annoying at worst.
2. St Louis Cardinals (8 GB) – King Albert is incredible. Serious baseball post here, have you ever looked at his career numbers? They’re unreal. Do yourself a favor and take a look.
3. Milwaukee Brewers (9 GB) – A lot of young stars, but no chemistry and too much beer for Prince. He and CC would be the most incredible eating contest ever. Lets throw in Sal Fasano for the comedic relief of seeing food stuck in that mustache. I’d pay top dollar to watch that, screw Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut.
4. Houston Astros (14 GB) – Starting SS Miguel Tejada gets 1 year probation, ace Roy Oswalt gets shelled and loses the WBC for the U.S. team and they went 13 straight spring training games without a victory. And the season hasn’t even started yet!? Are you sure we can’t keep the name Enron Field for the ballpark?
5. Cincinatti Reds (22 GB) – With Dusty at the helm, he’s not going to outmanage anyone (except a 12 year old retarded girl), so you need superior talent, which the Reds don’t have, so enjoy another losing season Cincinatti!
6. Pittsburgh Pirates (24 GB) – Even with the power of Ganesh in their favor, certain things are guaranteed. Summer turns into fall, people inexplicably think Dane Cook is funny, and the Pirates have losing seasons.